Review: Stitches (2012)

Review by Disgruntled Monkey

Director: Conor McMahon
Starring: Ross Noble, Tommy Knight, Eoghan McQuinn
Writers: Conor McMahon, David O'Brien

Ross Noble is a funny man. Ross Noble is a comedian I have a lot of time for. When I heard that a movie about an undead killer clown was being made and that Ross Noble was going to be said clown, I was overjoyed. Yeah I was wrong.

I'm not sure who made the choice. Maybe it was Mr Noble or maybe it was Conor McMahon, but someone thought that they should have Ross Noble down play his performance as the killer clown Stitches. He delivers line with such a dreariness that I was getting bored out of my ever living mind. 

If the movie was a drama about a foul mouthed and mentally exhausted clown trying to get his life back on track, I can see where Noble is coming from. However in a movie that has death by ice cream scoop, detachable clown nose and just some over the top deaths, the tone does not gel well with the performance. There are moments when Noble does amp it up and it seems like the movie will pick up. But it's over too quickly and I'm just not having any enjoyment.

The main characters are a rag tag group of teens that range from mean assholes to wimpy little shits. I had no sympathy for any of them. Well maybe some sympathy for Bulger (Thommas Kane Byrnes), but that was fleeting. Sometimes a horror movie gives you characters that are meant to be nothing but dead meat walking. You cheer for the villain to kill them. Unfortunately going back to my main problem, Stitches is such a boring flat character I didn't want to cheer for him or the kids, I just wanted the movie to end.

On the bright side there are some inventive gore sequences and some ideas that really clicked with me. I loved the idea of a secret clown cult of necromancers. There were some visuals that also showed that the director has some real talent behind the camera. If Conor McMahon makes another film I'm going to watch it.

What the biggest shame of this entire movie is, is that there is something here and maybe if they got Noble to ham it up a little things would of really connected. Unfortunately I can't recommend this movie as the characters either repel or bore. I'm going to take my red nose and floppy shoes home.

Category	Rating	Reason
Entertainment	0 red nose out of 1	Anything entertaining is undone by bland or horrible characters.
Script	0 red nose out of 1	What ever potential was in the script, is wasted.
Acting	0 red nose out of 1	Noble just makes the wrong choices when it comes to Stitches.
Directing	1 red nose out of 1	There is talent behind the camera
Technical	1 red nose out of 1	Great visuals and great make up.
Overall	2 red nose out of 5	A movie that makes me feel like a fool for watching.