Review: Valentine (2001)

“You brought me upstairs to show me your penis? How sweet!”

Director: Jamie Blanks

Starring: Denise Richards, David Boreanaz and Marley Shelton

Writers: Donna Powers, Wayne Powers, Gretchen J. Berg and Aaron Harberts

With the likes of horror movie giants such as Halloween and Black Christmas, there has been a lust by movie studios to make horror movies tied to holiday’s in the hopes of hitting another great combo. Father’s Day, prom nights, thanksgiving (or was that just Eli Roth fake trailer); there are heaps of movies out there. So does this movie make Valentine’s Day a day to be fearful of?

Well not really. As the movie progressed I just didn’t have much sympathy for the main characters. They seemed like very shallow people, who while not disserving of their fates, didn’t really help themselves. The killers back story is also fairly stupid. While school bullying is traumatic, and what he went through is one of the worst forms of that, I’ve met people who’ve gone through worse and haven’t decided to become killers. Still horror movies have made killers, kill for less so I guess I can’t give Valentine too much crap. Oh until the end game is revealed. Then the motivations make no damn sense.

Acting wise no one really stands out, yet at the same time it’s not that bad. Most of the problems with the character come from scripting and dialogue. Out of the core females I like Marley Shelton (Kate) the most. Which is a good thing considering Kate is the lead character. Oh and I might as well mention David Boreanaz. He was okay as Angel in the Buffy series and his own but I’ve never been a big fan, he just never seems to really hit the right note. In this movie yet again, I can’t put my finger on it but he just seems off. And not in that red herring way, in that he’s not a good actor way.

As for all the blood, gore and slasher like escapades it’s okay. Nothing really to write to the haunted home about, horror hounds will be bored and others will not be scared. If you are after holiday themed horror movies there are better ones out there. Not good, not bad, this just exists in the weird in-between zone.