Review: Simon Sez (1999)

“Stupid bee! You're just a fly with a stinger on your arse!”

Director: Kevin Elders

Starring: Dennis Rodman, Dane Cook and John Pinette

Writers: Andrew Miller and Andrew Lowery

There are movies that seem to be born from the devil’s backside with the sole intention of destroying the very fabric of your sanity. Simon Sez is such a film. Strutting into my life it proceeded to take a crap in my brain, showing no mercy for my well being what so ever. Pretty much I could end this review here and you would hopefully get the idea to avoid this film at all costs, but surely there was something of value here? Something I could find to justify watching this.

Well acting is a devoid wasteland of people hamming it up to painful levels. Dane Cook is a blight on this movie and I wanted him to die a very painful death. He’s not funny, he’s not a good actor, and he brings nothing to this movie. Jérôme Pradon as the main villain Ashton is pretty weak. He’s going for over top quirky villain but instead of being someone who we laugh with, we laugh at. That’s not good for a villain who’s supposed to be threatening. The less said about the tech monks the better. Surprisingly Dennis Rodman isn’t that worst and could have been a decent action star if relegated to mostly direct to dvd releases. Also Emma Wiklund as The Dancer shows some impressive action chops if not acting skills. Wow that’s two positives in a row.

Forget the plot, someone’s someone get his daughter kidnapped and villain wants evil mcguffin to do some dastardly deed. What ever story might be there is destroyed by the horrid and annoying characters. If there is anything to be salvaged from this movie is that some of the action isn’t that bad, but honestly you can find better stuff with characters that don’t offend. Still some credit needs to be given.

This is a horrible mess of a film and has some okay points but is brought to the bowels of hell thanks to some of the casting. If you are a Dane Cook fan then have at this film, but anyone else should avoid. Go watch Mr Brooks if you want a film that actually gives us a decent Dane Cook performance. Simon Sez this review is done.