Review: Stan Helsing (2009)

“I think now it would be a great time for a reverse POV.”

Director: Bo Zenga

Starring: Steve Howey, Diora Baird and Kenan Thompson

Writer: Bo Zenga

You broke my heart Stan Helsing, now I break you (put’s his Dolph Lundgren mask on). Normally I hate the current lot of parody movies. If you are a regular reader you may remember I tried to watch four movie movie’s in a row and could only get through one and a quarter. But with Stan Helsing I was willing to give it a try because of one man. Kenan Thompson. I like him in SNL but he couldn’t save this movie for me, nothing could.

At first I was actually positive on the movie, it was a bit slow but a lot of the parody jokes were helping move the story along. Also it was sticking with the horror movie tropes, and not just pointlessly adding in other movies for the sake of it. Many of the references were in the background and weren’t given that much attention. However I got a little nervous when the ‘villains’ popped up.

Now they were supposed to be representations of the great horror icons but I understood some changes had to be made so the movie didn’t get sued. However the changes were puzzling. The pinhead character had syringes in his head (okay I can live with that) and lollipops (what?) among other assorted things. The Freddy rip off had a swiss army knife glove that had a corkscrew and lipstick (funny I guess), And so it continues. I’m not sure what they were trying to accomplish as while I understand it’s a comedy, the appearances were just ridiculous and in my opinion not that funny. Still this is character design, I was still liking the beginning right?

Well yes, as I said above it was a bit slow but I was willing to give the movie some slack as a lot of horror movies have slow beginnings, just to have an awesome ending. Yet the movie really didn’t go anywhere. There was a plot, but there was just no flow. Just when it seemed like things would ramp up, a joke would be made, then nothing. It was incredibly sad, and in some ways worse than Epic Movie and films like it. Sure enough the ending is pretty damn pathetic and was such a let down.

Even the actors couldn’t salvage much from it. Kenan was just shoved into a boring role that gave him nothing to work with, Steve Howey as Stan Helsing just seems bored of the movie. Worst is the villains really don’t ham things up enough. The only shining light was Desi Lydic as Mia, the token dumb character who also happens to be very loose with her virtues. She seems to be having a lot of fun with this movie, and really takes every opportunity to ham things up. Truly was enjoyable and I wish this was her story.

When I go into parody movies, I go in waiting to be disappointed. Gone are the days of Airplane, Hot Shots and Not Another Teen Movie. However in Stan Helsing I was given hope in the beginning, which made the end result that much more disappointing. Honestly just skip this movie as it will give you nothing, and pretty much just waste your time.

This was Kenan's reaction, when he found out
he had to film this movie.